There isn’t much happening right now.
In my world, it’s cold and dark outside, and most people are in a slumber that won’t be disturbed for at least another hour on average.
It’s lonely, but a peaceful loneliness. A loneliness that doesn’t feel like I’m quite alone, just that Whoever is with me is also peaceful and calm this early in the day.
He may not always be peaceful and calm, but He is with me right now.
At times I enjoy being alone, spending time with my own thoughts and with God. It’s here that I’ve often felt change occur, or become aware of a recent change in my heart and my life, that makes me more grateful and present with God.
But I’m very glad I’m not meant to spend all of my time here. I would feel like a caged bird. They don’t seem altogether too unhappy, but I can’t help but think how they were made for more.
I’m made for relationships with people and with God, for friendships and laughter and joy and family. I’m made to feel all that comes with relationships – pain, sorrow, loss, struggle, disagreement, confusion, hope, encouragement, passion.
Alone, in this place, I haven’t the ability to feel those things. I need to feel those things.
After being in a peaceful loneliness, alone with God, I begin to feel the desire to enter into relationships and friendships again. And after some time with people I begin to feel a deep yearning to be alone, to think, and to be calm in the presence of God.
We’re made for a middle, a balance. We can’t be fully alive without either of these things. If we miss God and only fill our lives and time with people, we will wither and come to nothing. With God and no interaction with people and the outside world, we will leave nothing changed and impact no lives. He is the vine and we are the branches. But we also must go.
I’m in the process of finding a middle for my life. It will probably look different than yours. But right now, this peaceful loneliness is hard to leave.