You and I don’t get along very well, this much is obvious to the both of us. I’d like to say I apologize for the way I’ve treated you for the longest time, but I can’t seem to bring myself to that point. Not yet. I’d rather, at least on the surface, put up a front and push back against you as much as I can.
I appreciate all that you do, and I know the evidence is in your favor, but I often feel at odds with you.
You are a good thing, I know that much is true. But I still would rather you be like a switch I could flip; an outlet I could plug into for a very short time and be fully charged again.
You see, I don’t like slowing down. I very much prefer to be doing rather than simply being. You force me to be, yet you say I am doing something at the same time I am doing nothing.
You confuse me, Rest. You say that without you I can’t really do anything well. Yet, when I’m with you all I feel I do is nothing, and that I’m missing out on what I feel is pertinent. You disagree, I know. You say that what’s most important when I’m with you is to do nothing that is actually something. Why do you do this to me, Rest? Can’t you just be a better friend and do what you do when it’s convenient for me, during the 5 hours of sleep I wish to get at night?
It’s hopeless, fighting this battle with you. You won’t give in, I know it. It frustrates me.
But, for some reason a softness is in my heart when I think about it. You won’t give in to my foolish pleas because you care more about my heart and mind, and you seem to know a little more about my future than I do. You actually want me to do things well, I know you do. Your wish me for to “do nothing that is something” is towards the end of my doing something that is actually something.
You and God are good friends, Rest, and I know you understand each other well. You’ve had a long and fruitful relationship. Would you have mercy on me, and teach me to be a better friend to you? If God can sit with you and do nothing that is something, I haven’t a good reason to push you away. I’ll need your grace, and I can’t promise anything, but I want to try.
I pray you’ll find it in your heart to be easy on me, and forgive me. I’m stubborn and prideful, but I know my God has purpose for our friendship. I hope I can begin to be kinder to you.