Sometimes I think my biggest adversary is myself.
I look at what I could become, what I could do, I ponder my hopes and dreams, and I talk myself out of it. Maybe not fully out of it, but enough self-critique goes on in my head that if I don’t actually talk myself out of it, I’m less inclined to go full steam ahead.
I’ve told people before that my self-efficacy is very high, while in contrast to that my self-esteem is quite low. Self-efficacy is the measurement of your ability to complete tasks and achieve goals, while self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. My statement then sounds a bit oxymoronic. But I can literally look at the task that needs completed, believe without a shadow of a doubt that I can complete it, but still question and doubt it’s impact or value simply because it’s me doing it.
Have you ever felt this way, that your biggest adversary is you? Have you ever woke up like I did this morning nearly consumed with doubt and anxiety, unsure of how you are going to be able to do anything worth anything today?
If you have, then you and I are similar. I’d like to offer a little bit of encouragement to both of us. I read something earlier this morning that breathed some fresh air into my lungs, lungs that woke up breathing anxiety and self-doubt.
“Do not neglect the gift that is in you…Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them…Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.” (1 TImothy 4:14-16, selection mine).
I believe that God has gifted you and me with something that is good. There is a gift from God inside of me that is worth meditating on, giving myself entirely to, and continuing in. Why? Because people’s live will be changed and saved. Literally. I don’t think Paul was kidding when he wrote this.
But how do I do that while fighting my biggest adversary, myself?
Well, my adversary isn’t really me, it’s just a disillusioned me, a wannabe me.
It’s not real, nor is it true.
How do I fight my biggest adversary? I remember Jesus, and I remember what God has spoken about my life. I remember that I’m human. These feelings are normal, and I’m not alone. The more I think about Jesus, the less I’ll critique and doubt myself.
I’m sure Jesus felt quite a bit more of this than me. And if He rose from the dead, I can probably write a blog.