I feel at once more grown-up than I ever have in my life and more like a child than I can remember.
I feel like I’m seven going on 25 – doing a lot of grown-up things; thinking like a grown-up; making decisions like a grown-up; pursuing passions and relationships like a grown-up…
Yet, in my head I’m saying things like, “I guess this is how I do it (whatever it is). I have no idea what I’m doing. People are calling me ‘sir‘, but they’re probably older than me. I just want to go play in the sprinkler or something, throw the football, ride my bike, eat pb & j’s and drink kool-aid.”
When I grow up, I think I want to be like a child.
The child in me loves to be outside. The child in me loves to laugh and dance and sing (although not very well). The little Anthony ran around the house shooting a mini-basketball into a Nerf hoop that hung on my bedroom door. The little Anthony played with Ninja Turtles, or was a Ninja Turtle. And that little Anthony didn’t care what people thought. No matter how silly he looked he was determined to do and pursue what he set his mind to and what he thought was fun.
The big Anthony tries to answer really tough questions. The big Anthony wants to change the world. The present-day Anthony is trying to pursue a career, or whatever. The right-now Anthony takes his life really seriously. The big Anthony drinks coffee, wine, beer, and shaves his beard. The big Anthony is trying to pay bills, thinking about what it means to like, like someone, and trying to follow Jesus in a way that is pure, honest, and deep.
What I want is to combine the two, and run. I want to run like a child – with laughter, excitement, and no worries – and I want to run like a grown-up – with intentionality, wisdom, and purpose.
Jesus is the best grown-up child I have ever spoken with. He loves to play and laugh and spend time with friends, and at the same time He is incredibly focused, in pursuit of something greater, not afraid of the “unknown.” And He is in love with people.
I want to be like Him.
I hope I can be an awesome grown-up child.